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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27472546">When Everything Turns Yellow</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/veenarenne/pseuds/veenarenne'>veenarenne</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>ATEEZ (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Tragedy, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Self Harm, mentions of self harm</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:09:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,852</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27472546</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/veenarenne/pseuds/veenarenne</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jongho's room was filled with yellow things; things that reminded him of Yeosang.</p><p>- work of fiction | grammatical and spelling errors ahead | <b>COMPLETED</b></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Jongho/Kang Yeosang</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>6th of January, Year 2020 (United States of America)</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>January was quite cold unlike other weathers that's why Yeosang, a model hates it whenever they go out of the town just to shoot some things. He felt uneasy going out and find it irritating; but what can he do, in order to publish the magazine he wants to be published he needs to go for a photo shoot.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Yeosang got out of his house, he was immediately welcomed with a car which was owned by his manager. Yeosang smiled as his manager got out of his car knowing that his manager might scold him once he found out about his wound.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Good morning my pretty and gorgeous manager, the morning is so bright so why frown?" His manager rolled her eyes as she raised his eyebrow, "What is the favor for today? I can't give you favors like helping you visit tourist destinations."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yeosang smiled dearly to his manager and placed his hand on her shoulder, "You know, I can't wear those sleeveless shits, right? So maybe for my interview later, can you fix the wardrobe? Please, Ms. Jung?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jia rolled her eyes as he knows that she won't win against Yeosang. "Alright then, since I am the only person to stand your attitude." Yeosang's smile widened and he hugged Jia. Jia just shook her head and looked at Yeosang once again, "Don't you want to do laser removal on those scars on your wrists?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yeosang silenced and the memories of the past came back to him; Jongho and their past relationship. At least, he doesn't want to forget how Jongho despised him and somehow he wanted those scars to be his motivation to keep going on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Jia, these ugly scars on my wrists had a big part on my modeling career for the past two years. This has been a motivation for me to continue and strive even harder to be a model, right?" Jia sighed at Yeosang's statements as she remembered that night that Yeosang started to hurt himself because of continuous fails in different modeling companies.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Well, don't you want to reach out or find out the person who caused those scars? Slap him hard with your magazines and tell him how much you're successful right now." Yeosang chuckled. "Maybe some other time, I don't want to waste it on some bastard."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As they were both laughing about that bastard who caused the scars on Yeosang's wrist, a mailman then approached the both of them. "Excuse me, but are you Mr. Kang Yeosang?" He asked and then Yeosang nodded. "This is a letter for you." </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yeosang then took the letter and looked at Jia with a confused look. "Who the hell sends letter in 2020? They could literally just email me or you immediately." Yeosang shrugged his shoulder from the lady's question and looked at the center. "Asan Medical Center?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Don't tell me that you need to go back to the other half of the world just to go at that hospital because of a sick relative. Hello, Yeosang? Video call is there." Yeosang shook his head and opened the envelope for as far as he knows, this medical center is located at Seoul and not in Pohang.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As soon as he took out the paper, he froze at the sight of the words written on the folded letter; To the Person I Hurt the Most. The handwriting got Yeosang as his hand started to shiver. Tears started to fall from his eyes as his heart started to race. "What is it, Yeosang?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jia snatched the paper and opened it. Her eyes examined the whole paper as his eyes landed on the last words written there: "Choi Jongho."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>≫ ──── ≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫ ──── ≪</p>
<p> </p>
<p>To the Person I Hurt the Most:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hi there and it's been more than a year and I don't really know why am I writing to you. Maybe I just want to congratulate you. Congratulations for you have already achieved your dreams! And I hope that you would continue to be known more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>— Choi Jongho.</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>P.S.: Please see the other things inside the envelope. Have a nice day! (27122019)</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>6th of January 2020 (United States of America)</b>
</p>
<p>Jia looked at Yeosang who's currently looking outside of their car's window. Yeosang was still shocked by the fact Jongho has sent him a letter; but what kept bugging him now is that why was Jongho in the hospital? Does he work their or is he a patient?</p>
<p>If he's a patient, then what happened to him? "Come on Yeosang. Would you really let that Jongho affect you? We're going to an interview today so clear your mind first."</p>
<p>Yeosang sighed with Jia's words as he sat up straight, seeing the building where the interview is going to be held. As he stepped out of the car, reporters were there and started to come to him.</p>
<p>Luckily, Jia has swayed them away and Yeosang has peacefully entered the building. "Okay, so for today, all of your schedules will be held in this building."</p>
<p>"Geez, it's freezing cold here." Jia rolled his eyes for the nth time with what Yeosang said. Clearly, Yeosang is not paying attention to her as usual. "Yeosang are you sure that you won't mess things up, hm?"</p>
<p>Yeosang turned to Jia and faintly smiled, "Jia, I have always put a border between private life and work. I can handle this, okay? Just chill and let me do the work. So, interview with Ms. Williams at the third floor, right? Let's go."</p>
<p>Jia followed Yeosang as they both rode the elevator with worry. She just hoped that no reporters would come to them and start to ask unnecessary questions about Yeosang's life. Like heck, Yeosang has his own life too.</p>
<p>The elevator door opened and Jia's worries were washed off as there were no reporters waiting. Yeosang walked towards a door and pushed it to open. There waiting a friend of his who's now a make-up artist, Park Seonghwa.</p>
<p>"Hi there, hyung, how have you been?" Yeosang sat on the chair after greeting his long-time friend. Seonghwa gave him a smile as he placed the make-up brushes on their holders. "Fine as always, how about you and Ms. Jung? How have the both of you been?"</p>
<p>"As always, stressed with Yeosang and the random things he's doing." Yeosang chuckled with Jia's answer and shook his head. "Ms. Jung will age faster than the both of us because of you, Yeosang. Look, she's just twenty-seven years old but you're making her look thirty-two."</p>
<p>Both men laughed as Jia shook her head and sat on one of the chairs there, letting Yeosang and Seonghwa laugh for the rest of their lives. "Anyways, since Seonghwa is you stylist for the day, Seonghwa you know what clothes to give Yeosang."</p>
<p>"Yes, Ms. Jung, of course. And Yeosang, we'll make him regret leaving you." Jia left the two and headed to interviewer while Seonghwa was left with Yeosang. Yeosang sat in front of the mirror as Seonghwa took care of his hair.</p>
<p>"Speaking of him, don't you want to try and reach out to him?" Yeosang sighed and leaned back on the chair. "He reached out to me this morning with a letter."</p>
<p>Seonghwa's eyes widened as he immediately finished keeping Yeosang's hair from his face. "What did you do? Why didn't he just email you directly?"</p>
<p>"To answer the first question, I haven't done anything yet because I have and interview and photo shoot here. The answer to second question, I don't know, hyung. But what makes me wonder is where the letter from."</p>
<p>Seonghwa's eyebrows furrowed and Yeosang raised his eyebrow, "From Asan Medical Center, a hospital in Seoul." There, Seonghwa started to have different speculations on why is it from a hospital.</p>
<p>"Don't you want to find out yourself? Why is the letter from the hospital?" Yeosang shook his head and only to remember the last part of the letter. "Wait, hyung, he wants me to check something inside the envelope."</p>
<p>Taking out the yellow envelope, Yeosang took something from it. "A Polaroid?" Seonghwa asked and Yeosang shrugged his shoulder. "It's a picture of a daffodil?"</p>
<p>"Try checking the back of it." Yeosang hurriedly took a look at the back, revealing a note. <em>'Patawad mahal, sa aking paglisan.'</em></p>
<p>"What does it mean?" Seonghwa asked and then again, Yeosang shrugged his shoulder. "Google translate?" Seonghwa rolled his eyes knowing that most translation isn't legitimate. "Come on, hyung, let's try."</p>
<p>Taking out his phone, Seonghwa then typed the words and waited for the translation. "So what does it say?" Yeosang curiously asked and saw Seonghwa rolling his eyes. "Sorry love, for leaving."</p>
<p>Yeosang looked at his hyung's eyes and earned a glare from him. "Yeosang, don't ever get swayed by him again. Do you want to lose everything again because of him?"</p>
<p>"No. I don't want to."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>7th of January, Year 2020</b>
  <b> (South Korea)</b>
</p>
<p>As the lights in the streets slowly started to turn off one by one, Jongho was just watching each one of them. Observing every pattern on how the lights were being turned off from the window of his room.</p>
<p>And that has been his routine every night for the past two years. Jongho did not know how he ended up sending Yeosang a letter where he knew that it's almost impossible for Yeosang to see knowing that he's already one of the most famous models out there.</p>
<p>Maybe he was just hoping; at least he would have away to tell Yeosang how he feels about him reaching his dreams. Only if he wasn't tied to dextrose then he had booked a flight to him already.</p>
<p>The door of his room opened and it was the nurse in charge to him. She had become Jongho's second parent as time passed; and she's the only person who knows the reason behind Jongho's yellow room.</p>
<p>"You seem to be thinking about something so deep? Is it about the letter to Yeosang?" Jongho faintly smiled at her as he nodded. "Do you think he'll ever reply back to me? I am not hoping but at least I want to tell him how happy I am for him."</p>
<p>Jongho glanced over the pile of magazines at his nightstand. Every single one of them is a magazine where Yeosang would be featured; from Yeosang's first magazine up to the most recent.</p>
<p>"I'm sure he has received the letter by now, maybe has read it already. But <em>son, </em>he might reply to you, right? You should never lose hope." Jongho leaned on the chair where he was sitting on and sighed. "I have hurt him so bad that he might reply."</p>
<p>"But it was never your intention. Don't you want to send him another letter? A letter that would make him come to you; a letter that explains your reason why you left him." Jongho shook his head.</p>
<p>"I don't want to break him again. He was already so broken when I left."</p>
<p>≫ ──── ≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫ ──── ≪</p>
<p>
  <b>8th of July, Year 2018</b>
  <b> (South Korea)</b>
</p>
<p>Jongho was at the corridor of the hospital where he visited two days ago. He was so agitated and nervous, waiting for the result of the tests he has undergone.</p>
<p>The nurse who greeted him two days ago was also the nurse who told him to enter the doctor's room and he did. He opened the door to see his doctor that conducted the tests.</p>
<p>His doctor who was smiling has now a serious face as he greets Jongho and told him to sit down. "So do you want to know the bad news or good news first?"</p>
<p>Bad and good; it sent fear through Jongho's soul. Living with all the challenges, Jongho knew that he has never feared anything in his life; until now. "I'd choose the bad news first, doc." The doctor handed him a piece of paper that he took hesitantly.</p>
<p>Jongho's whole existence was shook as his eyes landed on the details of the paper. "I am sorry to say this but you were tested positive for acute myeloid leukemia. But the good thing is, AML is treatable and often curable with chemotherapy; and your survival rate is 67% which is normal for patients under the age of 20."</p>
<p>Upon hearing the results, Jongho was stunned and his thoughts were blocked; he knew that he should live for himself, his family and for his Yeosang.</p>
<p>He never thought of anything that time but Yeosang. He was just thinking about his future with Yeosang; but what he didn't know is that why was he thinking negatively and why was he thinking of leaving Yeosang.</p>
<p>But he can't just leave him like that; Jongho wants to spend the rest of his lifetime with Yeosang. "I'll be undergoing the therapy, doc."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b>29th of July, Year 2018</b> <b>(South Korea)</b></p>
<p>Yeosang was currently in front of his boyfriend's house and waiting for Jongho to come home. From the past weeks, he has been noticing how late Jongho would come home and how distant he has become.</p>
<p>Yeosang is not having any of Jongho's excuses and lies; he wanted to confront him right now. As he was about to go home, he then saw a familiar figure crossing across the street. "Yeosang hyung?" Jongho ran towards Yeosang and stopped in front of him.</p>
<p>"Do you want to go inside?" Jongho just got home from a session of therapy as his heart was racing so fast and not expecting Yeosang to be present right in front of his house. Yeosang gave Jongho a nod before Jongho opened the door.</p>
<p>Jongho left Yeosang at the living room as he ran to his room to change his clothes. Yeosang was dumbfounded at the living room as he waited for Jongho.</p>
<p>He has noticed his changes when it comes to fashion; Yeosang would constantly see Jongho wearing jeans and sweater even when the weather is warm. He would also notice Jongho not playing sports much and stay inside his house more often.</p>
<p>Yeosang sighed and placed his bag on the couch before following Jongho upstairs. As the door was open, he entered silently and was shocked to see bruises all over Jongho's back.</p>
<p>Yeosang then thought that maybe the reason why Jongho was being distant and going home late is because he might be part of a gang and he doesn't want anyone to know; not even him.</p>
<p>Streams of tears flowed down from his eyes as he fell on the floor. Jongho immediately wore his sweater and looked back at Yeosang who's crying on his knees. "H-hyung, what a-are you doing here?"</p>
<p>"Are you a part of a gang, Jjong? What are those bruises? Did they bully you? Did they hurt you? What did they do?!" As the bruises remained in Yeosang's brain, he can't help but get furious. How could they do that to Jongho?</p>
<p>"ARE YOU PART OF A GANG, CHOI JONGHO?!"</p>
<p>"SO WHAT IF I AM?!" And that was one of the things Jongho regretted saying to Yeosang. "What if I am, Yeosang? Could you change the fact I am part of one?"</p>
<p>Yeosang was overwhelmed as it was the first time Jongho shouted at him. Yeosang can't feel anything right now aside from devastation and betrayal; how could Jongho hide it from him? "Jjong, come on, we have talked about this, right? That you would not use your strength just to join gangs and-"</p>
<p>"Shut it, Yeosang." Jongho turned back at him and looked at the window of his room. "I actually don't need you anymore, you know. You were treating me as if I am a baby when I am no longer one. And I hate it, Yeosang."</p>
<p>"I hate how you care for me, I hate it when you meddle with my businesses and I hate it when you become clingy. I hate you and your whole existence, Yeosang. I don't even think that you would be a successful model just like how you want in the future. So get out of my house, and get out of my life."</p>
<p>Yeosang can't believe the words coming out from Jongho's mouth as he was growing angry and hurt at the moment. He never knew that Jongho could say such things to him. It was as if Jongho showed his true self to him after two years of being together.</p>
<p>Yeosang stood up, still sobbing as Jongho was slowly being broken inside upon hearing Yeosang's cries and sobs. "Y-you, Choi Jongho? How dare you underestimate me? How dare you say those words to me?!"</p>
<p>"Look, Jongho, I will reach my dreams and everyone's fucking expectations! I'll even surpass it. And I'll make sure that you'll regret every word you just said to me. I will never forgive you because the love I have for you, is now hatred."</p>
<p>There, Yeosang left with tears and it was Jongho's turn to fall on his knees and cry. He never meant every word he just said; but the moment he saw Yeosang on his knees because of his bruises due to the disease he has, that's when he thought he couldn't bear to see Yeosang crying even harder when he finds out about the truth.</p>
<p>Jongho would rather hurt Yeosang with all the lies and make him go than hurting Yeosang with the truth, knowing that he'd stay by his side and be hurt even more. </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>7th of February, Year 2020 (United States of America)</b>
</p>
<p>A month has passed and Yeosang hasn't received any more letters from Jongho. Jia has always told him that it was a good thing that he was no longer receiving things from Jongho. But Yeosang was hoping that Jongho would send him even more letters.</p>
<p>"Tell me, Jia, do I have more scheduled photo shoot left? I want to visit my family at least once this year." Jia looked at Yeosang who was sitting comfortably on his couch and watching television.</p>
<p>"The next photo shoot scheduled was on March so you're free the whole February but I am warning you Yeosang, don't do bullshits when I am away. You know you're not the only model I handle."</p>
<p>Yeosang turned to Jia with a smile and then stood up to hug her. "Thank you, noona." Jia softened after hearing the honorific from Yeosang. After all she has treated Yeosang as a younger brother.</p>
<p>And as much as possible, she never wanted to make Yeosang feel worse just because of random people and other people's shits. "You finally respected me, Yeosang."</p>
<p>Yeosang chuckled and let go of the hug, holding Jia's hands, "I'll behave once I step on South Korea, noona. So don't worry, I will never disappoint you."</p>
<p>"As you should! Now pack your things and hurry. I'll book your flight for tomorrow, okay? It's a fourteen-hour flight so get yourself ready." Yeosang ran to his room and started to pack his things.</p>
<p>≫ ──── ≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫ ──── ≪</p>
<p>
  <b>8th of October, Year 2018</b>
</p>
<p>Jia entered one of the condominiums of one of the models she is handling and this model is currently a newbie. She was actually surprised that the modeling company she works at immediately accepted this boy.</p>
<p>Well, his visuals are on point and breathe-taking that's why. But what she did not know is why did the company asked her to keep an eye on this boy as if he's up to no good.</p>
<p>And as soon as Jia entered the condominium, that's when she knew why. The boy's condominium was so dark and the things and food were barely moved. She looked for the boy inside and heard sobs from the bathroom.</p>
<p>She rushed as she heard the sobs growing louder and louder. And when she arrived in front of the door, she saw the poor boy under the shower while the red liquid was being drained together with the water.</p>
<p>"Kang Yeosang! What are you doing?!" She ran towards him, not minding if she ever gets wet or what. Jia turned the shower off and hugged him. "Why are you hurting yourself? Don't, Yeosang, never do this again."</p>
<p>Yeosang kept crying on Jia's shoulder that night and Jia even helped him to get dressed as his arms were covered with bandage. When he has already regained consciousness from over thinking, Jia gave him a can of beer. "Talk. I want to hear your side, why did you do that?"</p>
<p>Yeosang hesitantly looked at Jia as Jia raised her eyebrow. "Come on, Yeosang. Treat me as your noona, an elder sister, your best friend, someone you could trust because I promise that your secret stays with me. I'll take care of you, hm?"</p>
<p>Yeosang sat down on the chair in front of Jia and opened the beer. Jia rolled her eyes and entered to Yeosang's room which alarmed Yeosang. Jia was way too fast and she immediately entered his room; and everything there was in the shade of yellow.</p>
<p>Yeosang's suitcase, Yeosang's laptop, Yeosang's clothes and even Yeosang's nightstand. "What are you? Are you a minion? Why is everything yellow? You love yellow that much?"</p>
<p>Yeosang stood there in silence as he stared at every yellow thing inside his room. "No. I despise yellow a lot. I hate it down to my core." He said firmly as he remembers Jongho in every yellow thing he has.'</p>
<p>"Now, care to tell me why the heck everything is yellow when you hate it?" Jia was intrigued by the new model as she sat down on the bed and Yeosang still stood by the door. "The person who made me love yellow is also the person who caused these wounds on my arms."</p>
<p>
  <em>"He broke me into pieces. He said harsh things to me. He underestimated me."</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <b>regrets— would be one of the worst things that existed.</b>
</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>10th of June, Year 2016</b>
  <b> (South Korea)</b>
</p>
<p>Yeosang; he just got rejected once again today by his ultimate crush, Choi San. It was never new to him but then he can't help but like him. He told himself that he should stop but he can't stop.</p>
<p>He then reached the park and became even bitterer as more couples were meeting there; holding hands while they're walking, buying couple t-shirt, buying balloons and other things couples doing.</p>
<p>"There's no relationships that lasts. What are these?" Yeosang sat on one of the benches there and frowned. He then saw a familiar person approaching to him with a sly smile which made him roll his eyes.</p>
<p>"Now what do you want, Jongho? Are you going to tease me because I am rejected again? Aish, it's really because of this yellow sweater that Seonghwa hyung gave me."</p>
<p>"You look cute in those, hyung. You look cute in yellow so don't hate yellow that much." Yeosang pouted at Jongho as a slight shade of pink was painted on his cheek. "Anyways why are you here?"</p>
<p>Jongho gave Yeosang a shy smile before handing him a bunch of yellow tulips as Yeosang reached for it in confusion. "Why are you giving me these? Don't you have a date or are you just bored?"</p>
<p>Jongho giggled and Yeosang found it cute; suddenly, Yeosang's heart started to race as Jongho approached closer and closer to him. "Yeosang hyung, do you know what yellow tulips symbolizes?" There, Yeosang was astonished.</p>
<p>Jongho leaned closer to him with a smile, "Hyung, yellow tulips expresses one's unrequited love and do you know why am I giving these to you, hyung?" Yeosang shook his head as his eyes were set only on Jongho's.</p>
<p>"Because I love you, hyung. More than just a hyung." Jongho looked down and readying a yellow carnation to give Yeosang. He then showed a yellow carnation to Yeosang and Yeosang's eyes landed on those. "While yellow carnation means-"</p>
<p>Yeosang took the carnation and threw it away before smashing his lips onto Jongho's. Jongho who was shocked then wrapped his arms around Yeosang's waist. When the kiss lasted, Yeosang looked at Jongho with a smile.</p>
<p>"Yellow carnations symbolises rejection or disappointment. But I'm not turning you down, Jjong. So can you wait for me? Wait for me to love you back?"</p>
<p>"Of course, hyung."</p>
<p>≫ ──── ≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫ ──── ≪</p>
<p>
  <b>22nd of February, Year 2020</b>
  <b> (South Korea)</b>
</p>
<p>It has been over a week since Yeosang has got home. The past week was just very relaxing and he barely thought of Jongho. His family barely talked about Jongho as if he had become a ghost.</p>
<p>But then, there were still some attempts of Yeosang to find out what Jongho has been up to these days; but then he had no answers. His questions and curiosity wasn't fulfilled.</p>
<p>And there's one more thing that bugs him; an unknown number was calling him from the past days. Yeosang of course, as a basic instinct won't answer it. It was just so irritating to the point Yeosang blocked the number.</p>
<p>Now, while he's at home alone, Yeosang is inside his room. He's doing the usual thing he's doing when he got home; sleep. His beauty rest was then stopped when his mother knocked. "Sang, someone from Asan Medical Center wants to talk to you. What should I say?"</p>
<p>Yeosang immediately sat up, "Please entertain them. I'll just fix myself, mom." He ran towards the pile of his clothes before rushing to the bathroom to take a quick shower.</p>
<p>As soon as he heard the words Asan Medical Center, he thought that the person might be Jongho or someone who knows Jongho; but then, as he went outside of the room, it wasn't Jongho.</p>
<p>"Good evening, Yeosang." It was Jongho's best friend, Yunho. "Can we talk privately, Mrs. Kang?" Yeosang's mother then agreed and Yeosang sat in front of Yunho. "So I am not sure how to begin but then I am currently working as a nurse at that hospital."</p>
<p>"Go straight to the point, Yun." Yeosang smiled faintly and Yunho was stunned for a bit before asking, "Have you received the letter? The letter from Jongho? That letter that was addressed from our hospital?"</p>
<p>Yeosang nodded and Yunho remained silent for a bit before looking back at Yeosang. "Have you heard about Jongho's current condition?" Yeosang's heart raced as he heard Jongho's name. What could possibly happen? "I haven't."</p>
<p>Yunho broke into tears when he heard that, "Jongho loves you so much, didn't he?" Yeosang was confused as his eyebrows furrowed. "What do you mean, Yunho?"</p>
<p>"Jongho has been suffering from acute myeloid leukemia for two years now, Yeosang. And I guess he didn't tell you so you wouldn't be hurt more." Yeosang's broke down that moment as tears fell from his eyes at the same time.</p>
<p>His breathing started to hitch as if he just rose from water that he's racing to catch his breath. "W-where is he? I-I need to t-talk to him, Yunho. I-I want to go t-to him."</p>
<p>There, the dreading and fearful silence had ruled over before Yunho broke down into tears too. Jongho did not tell anything to Yeosang just for his own sake too— for Yeosang to reach his dreams without worrying about Jongho's future.</p>
<p>Yeosang then knew that the moment Yunho's tears fell, there's something that happened to Jongho. Yunho just pulled Yeosang into a tight hug; "I don't want t-to disappoint you, Yeosang. B-but Jongho's gone."</p>
<p>"No, Yunho!" The sobs turned into wails as Yeosang was continuously telling Yunho that he wants to goto Jongho; but then, what could they do? Jongho has left and he'll never comeback again</p>
<p>
  <b>Fucking regrets.</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>22nd of February, Year 2020 (South Korea)</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Going out of the elevator, Yunho guided Yeosang whose eyes were puffy to the nurse that took care of Jongho. Yunho then found out that she was inside Jongho's room, "Enter the room. You'll find Nurse Kim." With a weary heart, Yeosang slowly opened the door and saw the color of the room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Everything was decorated in yellow; as if the room was reminding Jongho about the day that Yeosang told Jongho to wait for him. The day where he wore the yellow sweatshirt that Seonghwa gave him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yeosang can't stop the tears coming out from his ears and they all started to flow once again making Yeosang sob. He looked around and saw a lady sitting at a chair near the window.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The lady noticed Yeosang and spoke, "You must be Yeosang, if I am not mistaken." She turned to Yeosang and Yeosang nodded at him. She faintly smiled as she told Yeosang to sit on the bed. "H-how did you know?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The nurse smiled at Yeosang and turned the chair to face Yeosang, "Of course I would know. You were the only person that kept Jongho alive. You were the only person that makes him smile; you should have seen how happy Jongho becomes when your new magazine arrives here."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That's when Yeosang noticed the pile of magazine on the nurse's lap. "He collected every magazine you were in then he would proudly complement you in front of nurses and doctors. Afterwards, he would usually be excited every time you're featured on television."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Pure and genuine happiness; that's what you would bring to Jongho, so how would I not know you?" Yeosang started to sob once again and he felt the nurse's hand on his shoulder. "Jongho will break down if he ever sees you crying, Yeosang. So don't cry, I am sure that he's in a better place now."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Jongho loves you more than anything in this world, Yeosang. He wants you to laugh rather than to cry. Jongho wants you to smile rather than to frown and most importantly, Jongho wants you to be happy rather than to be sad." </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yeosang just continued to cry, releasing all the emotions he's feeling: regret, sorrow and pain. "I-I just don't get it. W-why did h-he not tell me? I would g-gladly stay by his side no matter w-what happens, b-but why?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"That's because Jongho doesn't want you to be hurt even more. He doesn't want you to stay by his side with you knowing that anytime he might disappear and leave. He doesn't want to leave seeing you hurt."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"C-can you tell me how J-jongho has been for the p-past two years?" Swallowing the lump in his throat, Yeosang asked the nurse. "Gladly." She once again smiled faintly at Yeosang before talking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Jongho was a ball of sunshine. He would smile to every nurse and doctor that visits him. He's respectful yet when he asked the nurses to decorate the room in yellow, it seemed weird for the hospital staff."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"But then, Jongho has his reasons why. Jongho wanted the room to be decorated yellow so he could be reminded of you, until his last breath. He wanted to keep the memory of you alive in his memories until the end."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yeosang bit his lower lip before looking down, "But Ms. Kim, can I ask you a question?" He then earned a nod from her. "Go ahead."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I heard that J-jongho's condition i-is treatable s-so why? Why d-did it happen?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The lady remained silent as she opened a page of a magazine, revealing a photo of Yeosang there with an envelope with a yellow lock. "He told us that he didn't want to get treated anymore. But then, I know he has a reason why."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yeosang looked at the lady and then reached out for the envelope. "That's the last thing that Jongho gave me and he told me to give it to you. Then after that, he rested peacefully. Maybe that could answer your question."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The lady left Yeosang alone and Yeosang started to read what's written on the envelope; "To My Dear, Kang Yeosang." Word by word, Yeosang read everything. He just can't help but let everything out; only if he didn't leave Jongho that night.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He knew to himself that Jongho couldn't mean any of those words he said; but he asked himself why he did believe that Jongho could mean those words. He asked himself why he did let anger overpower his love for the younger.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yeosang even cried harder seeing the Polaroid of the both of them together with a flower; a yellow chrysanthemum. He then looked at the back of the Polaroid to and read what was written. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>"Do you know what does the flower mean? Farewell. Until our next lifetime, hyung. And in the next lifetime, I won't be a coward and I'll stay with you. – Jjong."</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. To My Dearest Kang Yeosang</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <b>To My Dearest Kang Yeosang;</b>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>You were one of the people I have been treasuring the most. You were able to see the best in me in the times when everyone can't. You're not getting nosy when I have problems and instead, letting me open up when I want to. You who had been considerate to me at all times during our relationship. And you were the person I hurt the most when I needed to go.</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>I've been regretting it, Yeosang; if you only know. If you only know how much I regret hurting and making you leave. If you only know how much it hurt saying the words I didn't mean to say; yet I know that those words had hurt you more. But then, I would consider that making you leave was still one of my best decisions. Because when you have left me, you saw and finally realized the best in you.</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>You finally started to get to know yourself even more; you were slowly growing more and more comfortable around people you don't know. You were finally treasuring the beauty you have that you would continuously deny when we're together. You finally started to open up to the people you wouldn't trust easily; you were slowly coming out of your shell and breaking the wall you once built when you left me.</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>I am proud of you, Sang. I am beyond proud of you. You have proven me that you would achieve your dreams and make me proud of you; you have proven me that you'd reach all of your dreams even though without me. You finally did it, Yeosang and I'm sorry for underestimating and hurting yoy.</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>I'm sorry that you were left without any explanation; sorry for leaving without a proper goodbye. Because I know that when I said goodbye, I won't be able to let go of you. And saying sorry now won't change the fact that I hurt you.</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>But then I know that when you read this, I would have been gone already and once again leaving you. So just ask the lady who took care of me. It's actually hard to write it down, knowing that you might wet the paper. However I don't want you to shed more tears because of me.</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>Yeosang, be happy and free; finally let go of the past as I want you to find the right person who would love you the most: from the moon and back and 'til the end of the world and not like me who turned back to you and became a coward.</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <em>Until the very end of us, I still love you; you and only you.</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>- <b>Choi Jongho.</b></p>
</div>
  </div></div>
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